Changing the Way We Think About Consensual Non-monogamy | Nirel Marofsky | TEDxTerryTalks


In this talk, Nirel highlights a number of convincing reasons why polyamory should be a more widely considered option – this includes its emphasis on transparent communication, compersion, diffusion of economic (and other) responsibilities, and importance of autonomy. From this, NIrel will argue that we need to change our definition of ‘relationship’ to include polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy.

Nirel Marofsky is a student at the University of British Columbia, in the Cognitive Systems program.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at


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48 thoughts on “Changing the Way We Think About Consensual Non-monogamy | Nirel Marofsky | TEDxTerryTalks

  1. You shouldn't encourage open marriage!!! This isn't a game, and you can't control your feelings, and once starts You never know the consequences.

  2. Monogamy requires some sacrifice and a lot of compromise. Some people may feel that makes it constraining, but I would argue that it makes it rewarding. I would even go so far as to say that monogamy is sexier than polygamy because intimacy is something that by definition gets diluted the more it is shared. There is something to be said for "giving yourself" to one special person, while excluding all others.

  3. There is no downside for a woman to have multiple men—that situation better serves her evolutionary mandate to amass resources.

  4. Don't decide to forcefully apply any relationship model to your life…live your life and stay happy, and wait to see what events come up which may cause you and other people to adapt and change. If in the future I become very good friends with someone and have romantic feelings towards them, then I may bring up opening our relationship to my bf. But in the meantime I'm trying to improve myself and get my life under control and I don't have energy or desire for other people, or barely even my bf. Shopping for new people to forcibly bring into my life so I can have the identity of "radical polyamorist" won't address the root of my unhappiness and lack of energy. (Depression, physical illness, lack of purpose)

  5. One thing that really bothers me about monogamy is it seems to be based around this concept of ownership. And your your spouse should be your partner and not your property and it really bothers me when people treat others like belongings rather than people. Unicorn hunting also bothers me in the same way as it seems to place limits on what one partner can do, in an almost property like fashion similar to monogamy but. If one person decides what another can do or not do in what is supposed to be a partnership, it's clearly not.

  6. So, since there aren't any good poly dating sites, I want to just say… Hi, I'm 5'10" 180lbs and very single. LOL

  7. I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a  hacker and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s iPhones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr James was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

  8. The main problem to me is that this argument is build up around a monogamist standard.

    Since it is possible to have multiple partners, why should anyone be a primary-partner?

  9. I'm poly , my wife is more swinger than poly but she is open to it , my GF is single … we don't live together. the more love you give the more you get … it's not for everyone but it works for us (3)

  10. Polyamory is not so much someone dating multiple parties who happen to be cool with it and are maybe also dating additional parties as it is multiple parties all collectively dating each other. Love is an extension of oneself, they are a part of you, you are a part of them. If another party is part of either one of you, they by extension have to be a part of the other since they are a part of them too.

  11. I feel that the loud af cheering at the end are from folks that really appreciated the validation for pursuing or thinking of pursuing these non-traditional relationships.

  12. I was with my now ex husband since we were 15 yrs old for 27 yrs but 17 yrs into our relationship/marriage he cheated on me for the first time and it was devastating, but I stayed and we worked thru that affair. However over the next 10 yrs he ended up having 5 affairs that I know of (and I don’t know how many others that I didn’t know about). I gave my everything and we had one daughter that was 9 at the time this all began, at the age of 18 I found out about his last affair, that was the breaking point I couldn’t do this anymore, I had lost all respect for myself and it damaged my daughter more by staying than had I left sooner. I can’t go back and change things now but in divorce I lost everything, the life i was used to, my best friend & and all I had ever known. I do agree you shouldn’t just walk away but infidelity is a deal breaker now for me. I cannot trust a man again at this point because of what the one I trusted most and said he loved me did to our marriage for over 10 yrs. My daughter came to me after all the divorce was over, she said she wished I left her dad when she was 9 because it affected her in ways I can never go back and change and that affects it had on her, that breaks my heart every day. In conclusion, my ex husband raced to the alter 3 months after our divorce file and married the last girl her cheated on me with. We have one life, I feel that you need to take care of yourself and your kids first, if you are with someone that doesn’t respect you and the family you built then don’t stay. I was able to find out all this through the help of a hacker. Ciaberhacker2019 @gmailcom. I will forever be grateful to you for helping me expose him. I recommend him to anyone.

  13. I've BEEN considering this lifestyle, I LOVE 2 PEOPLE and I BELIEVE we would have a WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER. ONE person is Poly already and the other isn't. What is my next step

  14. Live your life how you want. I won't stop you. But don't demand my personal approval or try to sell it to me.

  15. Kissed both my female and male partner in public for the first time the other day. Felt so amazing 🙌☺️

  16. How about some education on how to have a great marriage. I give you – Marriage Builders with Dr Harley. This Clinical Psychologist knows his stuff. For those wanting monogamous love and marriage Dr Harley is the man.

  17. Love? Infinite? If one person isn't good enough for you, 5 would be? There's hierarchy. You can't love more than one person equally. And that bs example she gave with loving your children more or less…first of all this isn't romantic love. It's sick to compare those. And yes it's possible to love one child more than the other. Even in poly relationships there's a prime and then there are the rest. Romantic love isn't an "infinite" resource. The love that poly people have is in fragments. They have serious insecurities and difficulties being completely open to one person, so they split their needs. For the women who participate in this nonsense, where is your self respect? Poly "love" isn't romantic love. There are enough problems in the world that individuals face, you've gotta be some kind of superhuman or super bored to get a kick out of polyamory. Jealousy is okay and shouldn't be suppressed, it should be addressed and not constantly revisited. Let's not promote more messed up family dynamics for children.

    True love has a foundation of security, trust, honestly, loyalty, sincerity, kindness, mutual respect, vulnerability, communication, support, shared goals, intimacy, compassion, compromise, humor, positivity, presence, friendship, exclusivity, and love. Together that creates a unique bond…it allows a safe environment for two people to grow together. I could let go of my guard to have all that… biologically we're wired to pair bond. Polyamorous relationships put Band-Aids on real issues, particularly for people who compartmentalize.

  18. Good for rich people, good luck having few children with few people and deciding who pays for what, who lives with who, who takes mortgage together etc. If you are very independed and rich person maybe you can't make it on a long run. What about jealousy and if someone will fall in love much more than to others.

  19. The alternative has been stigmatized since ancient greece. It's called a love triangle, and it historically a popular source of CONFLICT in plot

  20. a nice option to a 'better' relation but on the flip side one of your partners may be bringing some 'unsavory' goodies to share with you like Aids and other STDs—-unintentional of course, then for you to share with your other partners—on and on it goes…………

  21. The perfect way to end a Ted talk. I acknowledge this information and I encourage you to do the same.

  22. loved her talk,,im all for whatever relationships people care to have,, but the law says one marriage at a time,,to keep society in check?,, or because the bible says so? its illegal,,its immoral..i call BS. people will think you have loose morales..more BS,, you only have one life,,.live the way you wish.. families were larger back in the day,,lots of hands to help out and love,,todays families are small and separated from relativies,,I think we are starved for love and approval .

  23. Oh geez…. Emotional need for love and care is it really a lot of pressure to put on someone shoulder 🤷…really?….c'monnnnn !!
    Maybe she have failed the basics on how to share her emotional needs.

  24. Another question:
    Are all these “extra parents” gonna pay extra child support for the “children” they all “share”…
    For life, not just while the relationships are “working”

  25. Also…
    Isn’t it that the most attractive get all the action?
    What about that segment of population that isn’t a 7 or above?
    Point being:
    Isn’t it a scientific fact that the most “attractive, young” get laid the most?
    A lot of
    Lesser desirables

  26. I don’t see that alpha ape just stepping to the side to let a bunch of
    Beta Males
    Mount his
    Harem of
    Enlighten me

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